And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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