Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
