i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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