Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
