She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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