I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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