She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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