Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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