did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
