Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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