she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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