Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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