**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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