I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
