so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Randomize
