If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
