it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
