I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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