so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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