cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
