I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
