yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
