party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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