He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
