so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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