I am spending my child support on dildos
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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