just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
