Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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