You smell like stripper and shame
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.