thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool