i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I need moral support for this bender
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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