if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
