apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
