The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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