just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
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Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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