Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
