I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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