Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
