so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
