i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fuck appropriateness.
please come you make the beer taste better
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
