I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
