I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
