the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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