McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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