how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There r osticjed everywhere
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
