do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You ruined the universe
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