She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
