I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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