ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
