the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
