12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
