I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
