Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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