She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
