i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
