You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
