I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
