i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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