I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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