oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
