When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
