I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
