i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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