nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
