When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dick very happy bro
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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