You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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