well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Only a mothe r could love this liver
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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