i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
