He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
