my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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