2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
