I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
