Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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