one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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