you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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