not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
