oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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