woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
