I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
