you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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